What Anxiety Means To Me

Anxiety to me is simply a phobia of being sick. It is being too nervous to eat anything before I have to be somewhere that isn’t my bed.

Anxiety to me is always looking for the exit. “How do you escape from this room/train/plane/car/building if I were to make you ill?” is what it constantly is asking.

Anxiety to me is anti-social and consuming. It dominates all five senses with some added thoughts and feelings. It is lonely, exhausting and controlling with no concept of freedom.

Anxiety is comfortable and easy. It welcomes me with open arms and is always so inviting. It is there for me when nothing else is and always promises no harm. It is reliable and never fails to leave me unattended. It’s the first thing I feel in the morning and greets me on every journey.

© Lou Noble

Anxiety is never late and is always first to the party. It needs no invitation, just assumes the door is always open. It brings no gifts, no snacks, no treats, but gets to control the music.

Anxiety is a word I don’t often speak for fear that others may think I am weak. She’s “incapable,” “stubborn,” “overreacting,” and “paranoid,” I’ll hear them shout, as I stand and fight another battle with worn tools and no end in sight.

Anxiety pays no heed to my life achievements — how dare I thrive, climb and succeed when Anxiety’s come to visit. It means I’m stuck in my own mind with no clear sign above the exit. Determination and Perseverance have known me longer by name, but Anxiety has hold of the reins, which no other trait is able to obtain.

Anxiety arrives with no warning, yet it’s never really gone. It rears it’s frustrating and ugly head just as I thought its back was turned. It has become an expectation and my reaction to all of life’s events. Without it I’d be happy, spirited, sociable and free, but what are these concepts and who am I to deserve to feel these?

© Practical Cures

If Anxiety was a person, there are two things I would tell it. Firstly, I don’t need your reassurances, I can handle life myself and had been long before you showed face. Secondly, you may have taken away over a year of my life so that I could pander to your needs, but now it’s getting boring and I’ve got too much to do, feel and see.

So as these days get colder, life moves on and I get older, there is something you should know, Anxiety— prepare to lose the fight.

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